How to have dog love you

Step 1. Feed said dog
Anything really. Said dog will probably eat anything you set in front of it. Maybe consider putting said dog on a consistent food schedule but said dog really just wants food.
Step 2. Water dog
Thirst is a powerful thing. A constant supply of clean water will delight dog.
Step 3. Give dog attention
Play with dog. Give dog treats. Show dog affection.

How to have other people love dog
Step 1. Have a clean dog
No one wants to pet your stinky, gross, crusty dog. Brush it coat maybe even its teeth. Give it a bath.
Step 2. Calm the fuck down dog
If the dog is overly aggressive or even mildly aggressive people become afraid of dog. Teach it some yoga or breathing exercises.
Step 3. Accessories
Nothing makes dog more adorably lovable than a bandana. Or your accessory if choice like a raincoat or sweater it bow tie.

These are my easy 6 steps of dog.




I’ve been avoiding writing about Christmas. I’ve dreaded it for about a month. I dislike Christmas soooo much. For some very simple reasons. I don’t like getting together with my family in an environment where we all try to act like we are on our best behavior then the moment your free to release you abuse substances.
The hostile illusion of togetherness has an awful taste. Why do we have to get together on two days in the winter to act like we don’t have a dysfunctional family. We’re just like the idealistic tv versions of what family should be. God! Can’t you tell by how together we are? And all the food? This is what your supposed to do! And come hell or high water we do it!
Thinking about family gatherings makes my muscles tense. If I fixate on the idea I have the urge to cut.
Until this year both my parents would get hammered after we came back from any family gathering. Not one family gathering but we had to go to my grandmas from 10am-8ish then on the 26 or 27 to my great aunts from 11am-7ish. Then the weekend before or after go to my other grandmothers but the other weekend was for my grandpas side. No worries though grandpa would come to grandmas but grandma refused to come to grandpas because they’ve been divorced all my life. Oh and don’t forget great grandpa while he was alive. And all this needed to be done before the new year or it wasn’t Christmas and didn’t count.
Yes, I’m glad I have family but hot damn that’s too fucking much.
I tried one year to get at least accepting of Christmas, help decorate and listen to Christmas music go to church and such. I only did that once. It didn’t really help.
The last two years I’ve participated with my friends from college. That’s not nearly as bad but it’s also not something I look forward to.
This year I decided that I would try to not let it rule my life. Unfortunately, it didn’t work like I thought it would. In the end it wasn’t too bad. I had to “leave” to take care of Bella.
I think the best parts of the holiday this go round was, as always, the sausage balls and having the pets to help me through.



Holiday Party for Work

I’ve been dreading it. I’ve decided a few times that I’m not going. Then I change my mind. I don’t know what it is that makes it so difficult to go.
I walked out of the apartment this morning in my dress and heels with makeup plastered to my face. This isn’t me. This isn’t what I do. This isn’t how I present myself. I’m not going to be anyone’s trophy, dolled up so pretty. I don’t want your money. I don’t want your looks. I want to be valued because I am human not because I can show off my big rack.
My stomach was in knots for most of 24 hours. My plus one stopped texting me so I thought I going to get out of going.
It was crazy how much emphasis was being put on this one 4 hour party. There was a crazy amount of money spent on the party.
I was terrified. There was going to be people, lots of people. People I work with. People that I will probably see again. The entire company was invited. I hate social events. I hate being in crowds especially when the crowd is my peers. I have anxiety out the roof and I didn’t know if I could contain myself. If I could compose enough to follow through on going.
My plus one had lost his phone. Which I thought was a lie but hey who knows people really do lose their phones. All day at work I was only half there cause I kept trying to figure out if I really wanted to go. At 4 my date texted me saying he was running late. His scheduled time of arrival was supposed to be 5 so I was expecting him to say 5:45, 6, 6:30 idk. Nope 5:10. He was running 10 minutes behind. Which in my world is on time. I run late for everything.
We went to the bar before the party and drank a little. I tried to explain that I haven’t been drinking since I have been sick. Then we went to the holiday party. It was super fancy, they had food and open bar of beers and wines. My date found a name tag sticker on the ground and was Kathy all night. I thought it was brilliant.
I ended up having a great night. We stayed for the whole party and went out afterwards where my date bought some guy a drink for his birthday.



Dealing With Holiday Depression

It's Ok Not To Be Ok

Dealing With Holiday Depression

View original post 526 more words

Identity crisis

I am having a lot of issues. Not serious issues but just the ones that can make you feel a little crazy.
I’m struggling between the thought of being on medication vs not. Why I have to shave? Why society thinks that being feminine means I need to spend longer getting ready and maintaining this fictional appearance. I bought an eco friendly car (so says the sticker on the back), not wearing a bra, been smoking more, not wearing makeup, and not shaving.
I am still having issues with thinking about Bella the dog dying. She’s like 8ish and eats senior food and it’s inevitable. I would like to enjoy the time she has left. Why am I so obsessed with this thought?
My clothes aren’t really fitting and shoes are stupid.
I don’t know what to do like normal. I’ve decided that a lot of the things I am trying to work through are trivial. The roots of the problems are there I’m just hesitant to dig deeper. I’ve also decided that some of them are actually just part of life.