Christmas

I’ve been avoiding writing about Christmas. I’ve dreaded it for about a month. I dislike Christmas soooo much. For some very simple reasons. I don’t like getting together with my family in an environment where we all try to act like we are on our best behavior then the moment your free to release you abuse substances.
The hostile illusion of togetherness has an awful taste. Why do we have to get together on two days in the winter to act like we don’t have a dysfunctional family. We’re just like the idealistic tv versions of what family should be. God! Can’t you tell by how together we are? And all the food? This is what your supposed to do! And come hell or high water we do it!
Thinking about family gatherings makes my muscles tense. If I fixate on the idea I have the urge to cut.
Until this year both my parents would get hammered after we came back from any family gathering. Not one family gathering but we had to go to my grandmas from 10am-8ish then on the 26 or 27 to my great aunts from 11am-7ish. Then the weekend before or after go to my other grandmothers but the other weekend was for my grandpas side. No worries though grandpa would come to grandmas but grandma refused to come to grandpas because they’ve been divorced all my life. Oh and don’t forget great grandpa while he was alive. And all this needed to be done before the new year or it wasn’t Christmas and didn’t count.
Yes, I’m glad I have family but hot damn that’s too fucking much.
I tried one year to get at least accepting of Christmas, help decorate and listen to Christmas music go to church and such. I only did that once. It didn’t really help.
The last two years I’ve participated with my friends from college. That’s not nearly as bad but it’s also not something I look forward to.
This year I decided that I would try to not let it rule my life. Unfortunately, it didn’t work like I thought it would. In the end it wasn’t too bad. I had to “leave” to take care of Bella.
I think the best parts of the holiday this go round was, as always, the sausage balls and having the pets to help me through.