Awakening 

I’m having an identity crisis. I see myself. I really don’t see me though. I have been at this company for three years. It was supposed to be a year break until I went back to school. I hate my job. I hate the politics of the corporate world. I want to learn. I want to grow. I don’t get to grow here. They don’t want me. I am disposable. I want to be a human and I am a number here. I’m okay with being a number if I can contribute to the greater good while being left alone. But here it’s micro managed and the things that should make sense don’t. I don’t understand and I strive to want an understanding of my surroundings. 

I’m terrified of leaving though because I’m comfortable. This is comfortable because I know how to navigate it. I know the dos and don’ts and which ones I really need to follow. It pays the bills and has vacation days and medical. The benefits are flipping amazing. I need to jump soon. I didn’t leave my ex for years because it was comfortable. I’m not leaving my job because it’s comfortable? Being uncomfortable is comforting. Why? If I were talking to anyone else than myself I’d tell them to dump this place and run far, far away. Pursue your dreams. Make dreams. Do them. Enjoy it. 

I want to enjoy it. I want to wake up and feel awake. How do I do that? Does that really come from inside me? Do I have to do this on my own? I want to hold someone’s hand. I can do it. I will do it. I am doing it. This is happening. I see it in the horizon. 

Advertisements

Moving 

I am going to move. Finally put in my notice. I wanted to move far far away but the current plan is to move into an apartment with three of my friends while they finish college. So this should be interesting. 

I have to get rid of a lot of stuff. I’m going from having all this space to myself. To moving my stuff out of one room to make room for my friend to move in. To needing to fit all my stuff in a room. A room smaller than the current one I’m on and a normal size closet. I’m a hoarder. Not as bad as my parents or grandma but one nonetheless. I have put together two bags to go to goodwill since I’ve officially decided to move but that’s not even the tip of the iceberg but I’m not sure how much I can get rid of without freaking out. Any suggestions? 

Phoebe is going to get to live with a cat. That’s never been a thing. The cat so far doesn’t seem too fond of Phoebe but also not hating her. 

This will be an adventure.