Just an update

I’m still awkward. First week is going well. I’m doing a lot of job shadowing which really means I watching other people do their job and staying in their personal space. They hired I think 10 of us but are bringing us in 2 at a time.
The woman I started with is really nice. She helped me find my car. I knew the general area of where I parked it in the deck but not where the deck was. Once I found my car someone had nicely left me a not explaining that it was their parking spot, don’t it again or I will be towed.
The woman I started with was talking to me about her fathers 80th birthday party they just had. I decided against saying my grandfathers birthday party is this weekend and he will be 70. Good call, good call.
I am 2 for 2 with my new boss man though. First day we were sitting in his office and I notice he has a wife, son and daughter. He also has my uncles name. So while we were setting up my passwords and computer stuff it was just the two of us. Of course I can’t figure out how the system works so he has to walk me step by step through it. He explained that most people hid their age from others. When I typed my birthday in his response was “oh god! You’re the same age as my niece!” My response was “well you have the same name as my uncle!” Awkward pause “and he has kids” he asked if he was the same age of my uncle and my glamours response was I don’t know but he works in an office in Florida , he just moved. 1 of 1 of awkward
I was doing online training today for confidentiality and bank stuff. I’d been working for good 2 hours on it by myself in my new cubical. But when does boss man come by? When I’m half in the floor under my desk, half in the chair trying to figure out what is attached to the underneath of the desk. Play it cool? No!! I bluntly ask what it is. 2 for 2
One of the tasks I really understood. I really thing I can do it. I think I could even be confident in my questions about it. It is so similar to what I have done for the lab. Other things I hope will get easier with more practice and explanation.
I truly believe I am the youngest on the entire floor and the only one who has never has their own cubical.
I work really hard..to be awkward. So really there’s nothing new.

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Nothing Makes Me Feel Sexier Than…Shitting Myself

My partner and I both dislike driving. We have an agreement that I drive here and my partner drives there. I ask at dinner if my partner would drive the two miles back to my apartment, breaking our agreement. I should have know better…
On the way back my partner drove in the middle of the lanes, went 15 under the speed limit, speed up, slam on the brakes, no brakes on turns, two miles an hour over the speed bumps, and had to readjust the parking job twice. -_-
About two minutes into the drive I had a 911 emergency, Mexican food, I need to go to the bathroom right now type situation. I calmly said “Please stop. I need to poop.” Since all the driving craziness was happening, it took 5 more minutes for me to make it to unlock my door on the second floor of our apartment complex. By that time I knew I wasn’t going to make it.
I make it past the dog and I’m done. It’s already happening. I get to the bathroom door and can feel the shame.
I lock the door, clean up and take a shower. While I shower I contemplate what level of mad, upset, angry, sad, ashamed I am. I decide if my partner says anything about me being hateful I would lose my mind. When I finally left the bathroom my partner was washing dishes and had made me a drink. I decided to confess with just saying “Nothing makes me feel sexier than shitting myself.”
It was the only night we’ve had alone in the apartment in a while. We spent it cuddling and watching House MD on Netflix.

Grandma proofing the apartment.

Every time my grandmother comes to see me I have to grandma proof the apartment. It’s the same concept as baby proofing so the baby doesn’t get into anything that they shouldn’t but for my grandma anything that would make her question my morals. My sister taught me how to grandma proof when we would go visit her I would run up the stairs before my grandmother to double check that everything was put away and hidden. My grandmother is a conservative, southern Baptist christian, republican so we hid everything from the booze to my partners tooth brush and deodorant. I spent about half a hour going through our apartment putting things away. I hid the vodka, rum, wine, beer, condoms, lube, vibrator, toothbrush, and pictures. When my grandmother walked into the apartment I had minimal anxiety, I was actually feeling pretty good. She used my restroom and we left for dinner. Overall it was an excellent visit. Just the right amount of grandma time for me. When I came home, taking my contact lens out, I see it. Staring at me in the face. Right there on the counter. Just sitting there. Minding it’s own business. My toy cleaner. Oops.