Which comes first? 

Which came first the chicken or the egg? Which comes first a job or a place to live? 

My job contact ends in June. My apartment lease ends in July. I need a new job and a new place to stay. I need money to pay for the roof over my head and I need a roof over my head to get to rest for the job. 

We could literally go anywhere. Anywhere! We could stay here. We could go there. We could go back to our parents. I don’t want to go back to my parents. Aaron is going to move in July with me. We are making the next step of living together. 

We both don’t have jobs lined up right now. Or a place to live. It causes a sense of panic in myself. While Aaron is “it will work out”. I know it will but we take different approaches to making it work out. I’m looking for places and jobs and locations and prices and budgets. He’s…ummm looking at what I sent him. 

We’ve talked about how he has a more laid back, it will work out, wait it out, it’ll fall in my lap type attitude. While I’m over here practicing breathing techniques because I’m about to lose my shit, frantically clicking all the buttons at once trying desperately to figure out if it’s the chicken or the egg. 

We are both trying in our own ways to figure it out. We are in the process of finding middle ground. We are trying to have open communication about our thoughts. 

We’ve both applied for some places to work. We also went to look at a place last weekend. We are actively looking. 

He found his bother a job. His brother got the job and starts Monday and will be sleeping on my couch while my roommates gone. I’m glad his brother has a new job but I’m kind of salty that it isn’t Aaron coming to stay with me. I’ve thought several times Aaron was moving in and it hasn’t happened yet.

Now we need to discuss more things like is his brother going to live with us? Is his brother bringing his boyfriend to live with us, Is the boyfriend bringing his cat? Rent would be cheaper but what about the levels of sanity? Would it still get to be a place I look forward to coming home to if more people are living there? Do we want my current roommate and her two cats living with us? Are we getting a dog? Are we going to try to foster dogs? 

Which comes first? A place to live or a job? The chicken or the egg? 

Outside post

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The hassle of getting bird food. I just thought it might be nice if we would have a bird feeder. I thought I might like it. The cats might like it. It’s inexpensive entertainment.
I went to one store picked up the 2 dollar bell food, brought it home, opened the bag and 100’s of bugs are crawling. I called for pretty lady to come help. I took it back to the store, double bagged and bugs were still coming out. It has left me feeling violated and itchy.
I went to a different store because I didn’t want to let that experience defeat me. Why let it get the better of me?
Now Bella and I are hanging out on our patio.

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I really want to move out of this apartment. I am really starting to dislike it with a passion. It really gets to me. Not that a new place wouldn’t get to me as well but I just want to be done with it here.
Tomorrow is my birthday.
I found a book today that had explore the world challenges. I also found one that was like hey take a few minutes each day and think about this. I thought about gettin them but the remembered that I have this blog. I really like my blog. It’s more me than a book that might prompt thinking about my childhood friends. I also guess that could be cheaper than going to therapy.
I haven’t vomited since Tuesday. Which is the longest I’ve gone since this started.
I guess this is the point where I either dig deep and let some thoughts out and try to let something go or where I just end this post. Maybe I’ll end this one but start the next one right now.

Bible and Babes at the Urgent Care

I’ve told you. I know I’ve told you. I’ve told you how much I hate waiting rooms. They make me feel like death is descending from the heavens. It’s awful.
I’ve challenged myself to try to sit here and find my happy photo in here. Try to find something that makes me not feel like death. Challenge accepted. Mission complete.

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Do you see that?!? The child’s reading area at urgent care. The bible story and sports illustrated. What else do children need to read?! Children literature is worthless!!
My coworkers are the best. They asked if everything is okay. My response was
” Well…no…butttttt I came to the doctors so I am sure!! Have I mentioned I hate waiting rooms. This is awful. I’m freaking out and hot and the chick behind me has a jacket on. And the guy beside me didn’t get the memo that if there are two chairs don’t choose the chair beside me choose the other one Sooo he’s tooooooo close and that makes me shrink further down in this really awful chair”
But I do have a funny photo now. AC said “Bibles and babes” I like that. I told her I might use that one.
The two small children just made me smile. They came in and the receptionist said what are you two here for ladies. One said “to see the doctor!” The other one said “get stickers!!”
Maybe that’s my problem I stopped getting stickers when I come. If I knew I would get a sticker for free for being good…maybe I’ll bring this up.
Oh god that was perfect. The nurse said good morning to them and the smaller one lifted her fingers and said “I’m two”
Now they left and I’m still here. I don’t like this.
JS is trying too keep me occupied. She found a puppy yesterday on petfinder. They still have it and now she has to fill out an application and have a home visit or something?! That’s crazy.
She said the form is pretty in depth. I asked if they want to know the brand of her shower curtain.
I hate forms where it seems like they ask for everything. Well how many doors do you have? How many nails are on this door? Wrong doors don’t have nails. Next question how many people have you had sexual intercourse with. In the last 6 months? In the last 18 months? In your lifetime? Wrong you forgot about that one guy next question.
It seems like it might be easier to give birth to a human than it is to adopt this dog.
I like getting dogs from people who don’t want them anymore. Like Bella. Or all my past dogs. One of them I got from the dollar general parking lot. The one before that, there was a sign that said free puppies. The cats were from Craigslist. We saved them from the kill shelter.
I’m excited for JS to get a puppy.