I think today is the day I will clean the apartment. I’ve left most things where they are but I don’t want to continue leaving things as they were. Things are different now, the apartment should reflect that.

I want to be strong. I have been strong through this. I’ve worked really hard to be able to be okay with the process. I’ve tried to love myself and accept these changes.

Bella changed my life, the least I can do is try to proceed with my life that I will be proud of. Last night, I finally packed up her stuff from they boyz house. No, not finally, I had the strength and courage to move forward in this very uncomfortable situation. Yes, it sucked and I cried and I still cried last night but that’s okay.

I’m hoping that cleaning the apartment will help with the sense of closure. I want to bring a positive attitude into the world every day and it’s difficult to do that with Bella hair all over me and my belongings but no Bella. Her hair was one of my least favorite things about our living arrangements. It would get on everything and even the more expensive “pet hair” lint roller would have a hard time making a dent in her mess.

I already have started making a pile of Bella’s stuff. One for things I want to keep and one for thing’s I’m able to part with. I don’t want to keep everything I had bought for her cause most of it she didn’t use. She like people way more than she liked things.

I miss Bella like fucking crazy still.