Going home

I don’t have to go home after work because Bella doesn’t have to pee. She’s dead and buried at Aarons.
The closer it gets time to leave the harder it’s getting. Monday and Tuesday’s I’d go home take her for a quick walk, change and we’d go to the boys. Last week I waited for pretty lady to come home to go with us. I was tired so I laid down and got her to come lay at my head. I petted her until I fell asleep. Only to wake up when pretty lady came in the hall and asked if we were leaving. She was still sleeping there with me in the same position.
This week I guess I’ll go home and change then head to the boys.
My dog is dead.

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I didn’t go home for thanksgiving

This year I decided to not go home for thanksgiving. I had the option to take off work or to work. I wanted to stay here. I didn’t want to go home. I have the opportunity to be useful and make money at work. We are short staffed this week because of the holiday and it’s not “fun” but it’s my job.
I actually have a job which is something incredibly awesome to be thankful for. I do have a family which I am thankful for. I also live 2 hours away and have a choice.
My family is upset but won’t say it. They moved it to Saturday but I am still not going. Then they said they are going to come see me Sunday.
Instead of dysfunctional family that I end up feeling worse about myself when I see them then if I don’t I went to my friend/coworkers house. I got to eat and have wonderful company. I enjoyed myself. I really really did.
I feel guilty for not going home but I’m feeling the best I’ve felt in like a week. I’ve been stressed out and upset but today got me to a place where I smiled and laughed and felt whole. I got through a whole thanksgiving without wanting to kill myself or cut or do anything that would harm me or others AND with no medication. Which is so freaking awesome I can’t even explain how awesome that is!!
Maybe it’s okay. Maybe I’m okay.

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